School is going okay... I'm having difficulties concentrating as there are so many activities, so many people, and so many interesting things going on. Right now I'm in the lovely library, shielding myself from the crowd in hopes of getting some work done, and I will let you know if that works. So far, it got me to read two pages of my History of Medicine book. In the meantime, my asthma returned a week ago, after about ten years of silence, added to that I have nasal polyps, the flu, AND a urinary tract infection. The cherry on top of the cake is that I have three midterms next week that I need to study for, hence why I am in the library ahora.
I was thinking about me wanting to be a doctor, and the thought that maybe I am not meant to be one had crossed my mind. I love the health field but don't want to be like the nurses or other med techs that say that they wanted to be doctors but settled for what they're doing since it's "close enough." I think that in that case I might as well shoot for becoming a doctor. To me being something other than what you wanna be "just because" is like a lesbian being with a butch, I don't get it. If you like women and you have a craving for a woman that's the closest thing to a guy a woman will ever get, then you might as well find you the guy. Now if you fall in love, I will not criticize your choice, but don't go with a butch just because she resembles a guy. To me it defeats the purpose. If I were to ever be a lesbian, it would be because I love the softness of a woman, and I sure as hell won't be a butch so both of us will be feminine. Girls that like butch lesbians admit, by doing so, that the regular girl just won't cut it, that they crave someone "strong" and "masculine." I'm just saying, same with people who become nurses just because they feel it's close enough to being a doctor, just not with all the responsibilities and demands. Even those people fool themselves in making that choice.
Following on this theme is the poem "Doctor Meyers" by Edgar Lee Masters
I'm sure it's all worth it, but I'm just battling with whether or not it is the path that was made for me.
As the title says.... a reintroduction is in order, not from me to you, or vice versa but from me to me. Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going? What am I doing with my life? Not many can answer these questions with certainty. We all have an idea of the answer but if there was one definite answer to each of these questions and you had to give them in order to save humanity, you'd crumble under the pressure and not be sure what to say. (Be honest with yourself).
Do I want to be a doctor? Do I want to be memorizing every single bone and muscle in the human body? Do I want to be reading millions of pages about the trials and errors of medical operations? Do I want to be in labs for hours debating whether or not the patient is going to survive? Do I want the responsibility of a dead patient in my hands? Do I want to sacrifice a perfectly normal, slow paced family life over a crazy MD life? Do I want to spend over 10 more years in schools, studying theories, getting tested over and over and over again? Do I want to receive my first "career" paycheck in my thirties? Do I see myself being a doctor? Do I think I'm on the right path for it to begin with?
To be a doctor is different from any profession out there. Sure, pilots and drivers have people's lives in their hands, but it's different in that they also have to keep others safe as well as they are trying to keep their lives safe. When doctors save lives, it is done to exclusively save the lives of the patients in question. I can only imagine how great it feels for a doctor to have a deep connection with their patients. It becomes more than just a job, more than just a duty, it becomes first nature to stand up for what is right and fight for your patient's life. A doctor never retires, is never on a break. A doctor, no matter what the specialty, should be trained in such a way that if he/she is stuck in a middle of nowhere with a guy that is dying, he/she will know what to do to reduce pain.
Following on this theme is the poem "Doctor Meyers" by Edgar Lee Masters
"No other man, unless it was Doc Hill,
Did more for people in this town than I.
And all the weak, the halt, the improvident
And those who could not pay flocked to me.
I was good-hearted, easy Doctor Meyers.
I was healthy, happy, in comfortable fortune,
Blest with a congenial mate, my children raised,
All wedded, doing well in the world.
And then one night, Minerva, the poetess,
Came to me in her trouble, crying.
I tried to help her out -- she died --
They indicted me, the newspapers disgraced me,
My wife perished of a broken heart.
And pneumonia finished me."
I'm sure it's all worth it, but I'm just battling with whether or not it is the path that was made for me.
This entry was posted
on Friday, January 16, 2009
at 1:10 PM
. You can follow any responses to this entry through the
comments feed
.
Posts
